BAH

So yeah I was up today as I expected. This is so frustrating. I can't seem to keep myself motivated to do things. I say that I am going to do it and it all starts out well and then splat I fall flat on my face. I am deciding for the umpteenth time that I am going to do this and stick with it. I want to see 175 by the 22nd of this month and I have 2 weeks to do it and I also want to be at least 160 by the time I graduate in 10 weeks. I need to do this for myself. I want to do this for myself. I love how I feel when I work out and feel so healthy and sweaty from doing it. Why can't I push myself to want to do it more? Is it all in my mind? Am I setting myself up for failure. I thought about that the other day and I think that I am afraid to succeed because I don't know if I can make it stick in the future. I watch the Biggest Loser and even though I know that it is impossible to pull the kinds of numbers that they do every "week" I still am in awe and pissed off at myself because I am not trying hard enough to make it work. I am approaching my one year WW anniversary and I feel like I should be a lot further ahead than I am. I lack discipline and money so I can't afford my trainer any more. It was becoming extremely expensive and I don't know if I have what it takes in order for me to do this on my own. I don't have physical support here so I am the only one who I work out with. I realize that is an excuse but it just sucks. I am tired of feeling this way and being like this. I am just tired.